I'm kinda down these days, well when I'm not at school that is. I know that I'm sad but somehow it's just not sad enough to hit the tears point. I'm not wishing that I could cry easily, but if crying out sooner will make me realize what was right and wrong, I'd rather cry right now. 

You can't lose what you never had.

I guess this pretty much explains everything. Back then when I lose someone I really really care about, I could go on crying for hours and wake up with hideous eyes the next day. But now, it's just sad. And it's more troublesome than crying. 

You cry - You realize - Everything's clear - You get over it.  

I think those are the steps people go through after they cry. Right now. It's hanging. Everything I see reminds me of you. Everywhere I go in school, I could hear your name. Every song I listen to reminds me of you. Every night before I sleep, I wonder : Am I just that bad?

Yea, I'm kinda negative when it comes to these things. There are reasons. The best one? My current situation. Am I wasting my time? Or am I waiting for the right time? Hmph... People say that crush lasts only 3 months, so I suppose I don't call it a crush anymore... Then what the hell do I call it? What damn name do I give to this process of slow mental torture to me? 

Hell. Lol, just kidding. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa I could really scream that long you know. I tried before, under permission of course. If not people will think I'm crazy. Hahaha. Sigh. I'll try my best to convert these stress + depression energy ---- into studying energy. x)